A Mental Health Update
So I’ve been recommended to visit a psychiatrist at this point. ADHD with possible Autism in the mix, and I’m seeing a therapist with related skills / insight. If the staggering lack of website updates is any indication it’s a pretty big thing I need to remember I have, rather than just going “damn I didn’t do it again. whats wrong with me? am I lazy? am I stupid?”. Big thing I leared was what’s called Alexithymia, which is a …symptom? phenomenon? it feels right anyways. I don’t think I have that negative self-talk that specific as much it’s just a like “aww I didn’t do it :(“. point being there’s an actual problem here that I’m tackling. Website I think’s gonna be a lot slower til I figure out scheduling and pacing myself.
The website
It’s been a while again. As above, I’ve not updated again. But as above, I’m a lot less upset about it this time. Either way I’m gonna try getting to the habit of updating it way more now. I wanna redo the borders and backgrounds of text stuff, but I need to do some research into what I like.
Hobbies
I’m making a new, even simpler script now. Reimu and Marisa, 2 shots each, vs Koakuma. I feel like I’m not experimenting / coming up with my own stuff enough, I’m more reimplimenting characters’ existing content. Since Koakuma doesn’t actually have any official spell cards this seems like a great way to break out of that. There was an OC Jam that I really wanted to participate in, I was having an easy rest of my life for it, but I couldn’t, like, actually come up with stuff for it. I’m gonna try build a pattern here, making simple stuff, rather than trying to build my ‘ideal’ stuff that I can’t actually manage.
Other News
I’m Unemployed! I had a breakdown at work and quit. To silver-lining it, it was a really good reminder to pursue my mental health more broadly, and this ADHD stuff in specific. I was really strugging with a KPI at work, and the part I really really struggled with was, I’d not meet my goal, I’d have a meeting with my Manager, and I’d simply forget why I didn’t meet the KPI, which I found really frustrating and embarrassing. Good thing I’m seeing a doctor about it now. Also realy struggling to assert myself, to actually define what I can do, rather than what I’m being told to do. Again, struggling to access my own mind sort of stuff.
Any Visa or Mastercard enjoyers? I certainly hope not with all the stuff going on right now. If you’re not aware, I’m talking about the odd changes with Steam and Itch.io and NSFW content. I’ve been really trying to do my bit of Activism to help counter it but butween my own fairly intense social anxiety and all the ADHD stuff it’s been rough. If you’ve not heard I’d strongly suggest checking out yellat.money and Stop Paypros for more info.
I did call them today though! got 10 minutes out, and was assured that Mastercard’s “Escalations team” have recived my case number and are investigating (apparently). I’ll keep up the calls and report back when/if I update the site more. Strongly considering attempting to contact PayPal or any Australian partnered banks but I’m really struggling with anything I don’t have a pre-existing account to provide details for. Either way I’ll keep at it.
Tags: Website Danmakufu Health Mental
